wooden gates or to noble strength

i walk with pounding, around and around moving towards what only i can see in front of me, approach what only makes sense for a short while or so out. i continue, and continue. going one way, and then towards another. pounding, pounding. once now i reach one spot, i love, throwing my arms around it while continuing to move to the next. i'll hold to it till i have something else to grab. now two then three, then one has to go ((=sum(1+one+1parentheses-onedouble)es. all the while moving and holding more then i can handle. my feet are fractured now then, and fall to my knees but continue to pound as though nothing has been lost, nothing is in pain. so continuing but only on my knees my legs crumble, and can hardly move. afterwards only reaching as far as my arms can go and owning only what i can account for. finally pointing to open wooden gates or to noble strengths in name where shear interest, beauty, voice tone, gorgeous lines stop* once i would have gone but now see only reasons not to, and retreat to a lost time, to a youth that cannot change, more... that i fear deeply and do not wish to change. to shadows that others have become to shadows i no longer have the power to rectify, to ones i can no longer reach and are not with in my arms length. now i can only speak. talking of things that have might have been to shared memories that go forgotten and words and actions i can no longer take. in time i'll look behind for my shadows, then to my left, back round back to the right then finally in front where i knew all along i'd find it. walking slowly it'll be fully formed and begging me to move towards it again without consequence and fear till i inexorably will grab, hold and destroy again.